June 2019, I remember waking up feeling drained of all energy, purpose, and emotion. It sounds dramatic, but that’s depression for you. Much like 2020 for a lot of people, 2019 kicked my butt. Everything I ever knew was ripped out from underneath my feet. There was not one aspect of my life that went untouched by the reckoning of that year. Depression overtook me as I rolled out of bed and tried to muster up what little energy I had. That morning, I sat down at my piano, let out a deep breath and prayed a prayer that went a little something like this – “God, I don’t see it, or feel it, but you say good things are still in store for me. Good things will still come from this. You are good to me.”

I’m not sure if I fully believed God’s goodness was for me in that moment, but I knew that I didn’t have to believe it for it to be true. Despite what I felt right then, I knew that if God’s word says so, then he is good. Thus the first verse of “Good To Me” was birthed. 

“Faith, be tethered to this heart and don’t let go. 

I offer up the things I can’t control. 

Your will is sometimes hard for me to know. 

Lies, be silenced by the presence of my King. 

Remember you don’t hold the victory. 

A host of angel armies fights for me.”

As I offered up my prayer through song, I kept coming back to “you are good to me”. I sang it about 50 times. Not because I couldn’t think of anything else, or because it was just that good. But because I needed to sing it until it sank in… until I believed it for my situation. I think back to moments when worship leaders have repeated a bridge ten times during worship. They don’t repeat it just because they feel like it. They repeat it because they need to believe it, or the congregation needs to repeat it until it sinks in. How many times have you had to tell yourself everything will be okay, and still sometimes you didn’t really believe what you were saying until you heard it aloud for the 20th time? 

This song is like that. Sometimes, you need someone else to sing it over you, and sometimes you need to sing it yourself. God’s truth is the only sure-fire affirmation we can give ourselves in our dark and hopeless moments.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue holds the power of life and death.” If that is so, then I’m going to sit in front of my piano for the rest of my life, slaying lies with the sword that is my tongue and my hope which is Jesus Christ, and you should too! Maybe your slaying zone isn’t in front of a piano, but it can be in front of the bathroom mirror.

I don’t know what you’re walking through that brought you to this blog. Maybe you’re experiencing depression or heartache, or something similar. First, know that as I’m typing this, I’m thinking of YOU and my heart goes out to you. I wish I could hug you and tell you everything is going to be alright and let you cry it out because sometimes we need just that. But I hope that in this time, you also run to the Father for that hug, that peaceful presence, that hope, and affirmation. I pray that you have the courage to speak the truth over yourself despite what you feel. I pray that you allow those truths to sink in and take root so that you can once again stand tall knowing who you are in Christ and find peace in knowing “ALL THINGS work together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

I told you all I wrote this song in 2019, and it’s funny to think that here we are two years later with it being released. Maybe all this time had to pass before the world got to hear this song just so I could testify that despite the pain of that season, God is good, and has been good to me. He saw me through it, just like he will with you. That heartbreak, sadness, and crushing I was walking through prepared me for what was down the road. It strengthened me, matured me, and ultimately, I’m thankful for it. I hope you find that same peace in your situation.

Embrace the process, speak the truth, and trust God. You can do this.